Richie Hawtin's 10 most ridiculous ideas

Richie Hawtin's 10 most ridiculous ideas


Alright, in some (okay, many) regards, Richie Hawtin's a bit of a legend. But we're all for shooting down our idols here at FACT, and there are very few musical idols who've had as many silly ideas in their time on earth as Ontario-via-Banbury techno veteran and M-nus Records boss Richie Hawtin.



And yes, we're more than aware we're not the first people to take the piss out of Richie Hawtin, and we know he's an easy target. That just makes it more fun...






01: HIS NEW CLOTHING RANGE (2009)



The most recent of Hawtin's silly ideas, and the one which spawned this blog. 'Richly Hawtin', Hawtin's fashion collaboration with Isolde Richly, means that if you're a lady who wants to dress a bit like Madga-via-Uhura, then you can 'Trek it up to your heart's content. Judging by the prices on the rest of Richly's clobber, it'll cost you 1700 euros.






02: HIS LAST CLOTHING RANGE (2008)



But 1700 euro trenchcoat or not, there is nothing - nothing - as pointless in the world of fashion as the M-nus earring ("2008 edition"). You know what the M-nus logo is, right? It's a minus sign. Thus the earring is a solid bar. Which you can buy anywhere. But not for 40 euros, which it'd cost you to get a M-nus one. And would make you a gigantic dick if you wore it. Anywhere.






03: BEING MATES WITH SVEN VATH (90s-PRESENT)



Because when Sven put you on a flyer dressed as Luke Skywalker with a weirdo in a gas mask looking over your shoulder, you can't de-tag it like it's a Facebook photo of you kissing a fat girl.






04: THE CUBE (2008)



Remember this? "Guardian of the Cube, Richie Hawtin, has released the following statement, regarding his new world tour "Contakt" and the "mysterious" Cube at the centre of the concept:



"What is apparent is that the Cube is a highly advanced communications device that responds positively to the presence of humans and interacts accordingly. By acting as a central hub it seems to allow us to direct our thoughts, collect and share ideas, transcend language and interconnect musically in ways previously not possible. We're still in the early stages of research but it seems our destinies have somehow become interlinked."






05: 'T-BONE STEAK' (2002)



"Novamute in conjunction with Cocoon have released a joint mix CD by Richie Hawtin and Sven Väth [we told you, him again] featuring rocking tunes from Sven's rammed Cocoon Monday night season from Amnesia, Ibiza.



"Cocoon has been the destination for quality techno on the Island for the last three years with a full-on crazy pan-European crowd and class A techno and house DJs from all over the globe. The near-mythical marathon after-parties at Space, the beach, Sven's villa and sometimes even vessels in the Ibiza harbour have left many starry- eyed and laughing.



"Cocoon Club Ibiza: The Sound Of The Third Season was Compiled, mixed & edited by Sven Väth & Richie Hawtin. Track 01. 'T-Bone Steak': voices and conversations from various Cocoon dinners at El Clodenis"



That's right; the first track on that 2002 CD was a recording of Richie, Sven and their mates clinking glasses and eating steak at an expensive restaurant in Ibiza. F*ck right off.






06: M-NUS BEACH TOWELS (2006)



"Get your 2 squaremeters of MINUS!!!



Frottee Beachtowel with big M[-]NUS lettering embedded into the fabrics surface



- Great quality: 500g/sqm
- Size: 100x200cm
- Color: white/white"



The real tragedy is the amount of people we saw buying them at Sonar 2006.






07: HIS TWITTER APPLICATION (2009)



Because let's face it, if you're bored enough to spend six hours dancing to modern day minimal, then you're probably boring enough to spend half that time checking Richie Hawtin's twitter, where he tells you every track, as he plays it.



Rotterdam gig finished! about 11 hours ago from web
is now playing: Plastikman - Spastik [Dubfire Edit] about 11 hours ago from web



The smiley face kills the mystique a touch if you ask us.






08: DE9: CLOSER TO THE EDIT (2001)



"After recording, sampling, cutting, and splicing over 100 tracks down to their most basic components, I ended up with a collection of over 300 loops, ranging in length from 1 note to 4 bars. I then started to recreate and reinterpret each track, putting the pieces back together as if an audio jigsaw puzzle- using effects and edits in between each piece. This 53 minute piece, consisting of over 70 tracks and 31 ID points, represents what those loops became, and how their interactions created something that had not existed before."



Like what, house?






09: ENTERING THE GAYEST PHOTO OF ALL TIME CONTEST (1989-PRESENT)



…And being denied entry for looking too gay.






10: THAT HAIRCUT (1989-PRESENT)



What the f*ck do you think this is, Estonia?



* * Bonus footage: Richie Hawtin's five silliest pictures:







On reflection, that third one probably is the gayest pic of all time.


FACT magazine – music & art news, upfront videos, free downloads, classic vinyl, competitions, gigs, clubs, festivals & exhibitions - Richie Hawtin's 10 most ridiculous ideas

So what if he is a friend of Sven Vath?
So what if he makes money creating merchandising of his own label?
So what if he has gay-looking photos?

"Like what, house?" No house, that's the point.

And regarding the T Bone, once again.. so what if he wants to produce using his own dinner talks?

A disgusting article, this is what I call envy.

Sometimes i think what he have in his head, what things he think.
I belive that he is ensaine. But i love him.

i think this demonstrates that hes even crazier than sven vath jajaja, i still think hes fucking great!! and yes he is kind of a living legend!! are we supposed to write in english?? o se puede en español tambien jaja

sin embargo me parece que estos giles de FACT son unos gatos!!...

If this article would talk about the same or similar stuff involving Tiësto, Armin van Buuren, David Guetta, or someone else, I mean, any "crappy fag of masses who claims for cheesy sounds", this note would generate a lot of laughs, clappings and praises.

But, oh surprise, involves "an untouchable and respected legend".
Its like: "OMG! Is Richie Hawtin! Pure and constant innovation, man! Just forget it,let him live and do what he want with his money and his life!!!" (in a Chris Crocker manner)

In my humble vision and opinioin, let me tell you something: Hawtin's nothing to do with avant garde or any other innovative label or trend, he's just another MAINSTREAM lame, like Tiesto, like Sasha, like Eric Prydz, like Paul van Dyk, like James Zabiela, like Digweed, like Armin van Buuren, and so on...

After revising Richie's haircut for a very long time, I assumed that it can be a good haircut, I mean, that was a really insane thing, but if we think of our real situation, all of the popular ideas now were kind of crazy some time ago too.

I totally agree with you!!

Nothing to do with Avant Garde? You just can't be more distant from the real world! I don't know if u know any Plastikman's or FUSE's productions or first live's. He was the first one to recreate some really underground shit stuff such as Space Sounds or abstract music.

He became popular, he owns a label (a label who created a world-trend) but he just can't be compared with those trance or massive dj's that u mentioned. At least there is no discussion in music terms.

The only trend Minus set was the fact of calling 'minimal' a fart, a weird clap, a white-noise-esque snare and a uber-compressed beat.